Proof The Bible Is True

Should I open it? Should I wait? Should I…?

 

I sat in my Nissan in the hospital parking lot, holding the envelope with my MRI results, frozen with indecision. My appointment with the neurologist wasn’t until the following afternoon. Should I wait for him to open the envelope? Then again, I’d been a nurse for more than 40 years. I didn’t exactly need a doctor to understand what the radiologist had found. And whether or not my worst fears had come true.

 

Since I was 15, I’d suffered from neurofibromatosis, a neurological condition that causes painful, but usually benign, tumors to grow on nerve endings. I’d had 34 surgeries in 50 years to remove tumors, everywhere from my face to my feet. The disease had been a life sentence of pain. Though things had been relatively quiet for the past few years. I’d retired from nursing and was loving life. I still lived with the tumors, some of which were inoperable, but at least I hadn’t had any inside my mouth, one of the most sensitive and painful spots.

 

Until three months earlier. That’s when the throbbing in my mouth and jaw started. I ignored it as long as I could. Then my speech became slurred. I could barely chew. I lost several teeth. My neurologist suspected there were tumors in the lining of my mouth that had spread from a growth on the side of my face. Hence the MRI.

 

I couldn’t bear it if his diagnosis was borne out by the test. But not knowing was killing me. I stared at the envelope, conjured up a positive attitude and said a little prayer. Then I tore it open.

 

The words on the page blurred. My eyes stung. It was the worst possible diagnosis I could get. There was a large mass in my tongue and another on the lining of my cheek. Memories of all the patients I’d cared for who’d had mouth tumors came flooding back. They’d ended up horribly disfigured and in pain. Unable to talk, unable to eat. Is that what God had in mind for me? Hadn’t I been put through enough in my life? The MRI in my hand made a mockery of my faith. The tumors were back, striking right where they’d do the most damage. God, do you even love me?

 

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