Everything—my whole world—felt gray, colorless, flat. The beeping machines of the ICU. The doctors and nurses who came in and out, sounds and images. All dim. Like I was trapped in a thick, inescapable fog.
I’d struggled with depression for years so I recognized the signs. I looked over at my husband, Rob, asleep in a chair in the corner. These last two weeks had been an ordeal for both of us. Why was I not getting better?
Nothing made sense. The doctors couldn’t even tell me what was wrong. I clenched my hands into tight fists. I felt…what was it exactly? It had been so long since I cared about anything. Even my emotions were muffled.
I thought back to when we’d come to the hospital, a Monday morning, Rob and I racing to the maternity unit at 5:00 a.m. I wasn’t due for another three weeks, but I’d started bleeding during the night.
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